11-Year-Old’s Obsession With “Back to the Future” Creates Rift in Space-Time Continuum

Scientists say Samuel Tarpley’s non-stop viewing of a DVD for the past eleven months may have dire consequences for the universe. “Space-time is curved,” explains Dr. Emmett Brown of Hill Valley College. “High-volume repetition of an activity—say, seven million consecutive viewings of a DVD—could actually cause the universe to fold back onto itself.” Such an event would produce bizarre and illogical outcomes such as an illiterate person being named a Vice Presidential candidate, or a seemingly smart person marrying Tom Cruise. Tarpley, a Manhattan sixth grader, vows to travel back in time to restore the universe to its normal state. His father requested that he bring the 1985 version of actress Elizabeth Shue back with him.